XIV – Expectations

14_Expectations

“If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.” Michael Jordan

“Peace begins when expectations end” Sri Chinmoy

“You can’t base your life on other people’s expectations.” Stevie Wonder

“The inability to see a clear outcome, in a path not followed by the ‘masses’ , leads to insecurity, discomfort and uncertainty to all those you try to explain it to. You couldn’t expect that such an unconventional change would be easily accepted by all” My first and oldest friend, My Brother

 

With the introduction of my new way of living comes a bundle of challenges as I endeavour to find the right tools and resources to get me from where I am to where I want to be.

Resistance to change is something inherent to us, and when that change arrives rapidly – as Minimalism has surely prompted in my life – it is natural that some of the people around me will yearn for a past they know and take comfort in. I mean, if it feels fast to me, I can only imagine receiving it on the other end.

My choices are not an attack on anyone else’s. They don’t stand in judgment of anyone else’s. When I talk and write about what I have been finding and what lifestyle I’m pursuing is not to compare it or classify it against anyone’s. Its main purpose is to develop a record for my sanity and personal growth and keep my friends informed.

 

The reactive nature of humans, especially to change (“We fear what we don’t know”), makes the first impulse to be one of denial and disapproval. This is another reason for me to write – to have the time to read, reread and ponder about this change before reacting. I still do not find it easy to reflect before reacting – it’s an impulsive defence mechanism that I’m trying to tackle – but I’ve been working on it.

I want to grab a coffee and have thought-provoking chats, on the ‘Why’ and ‘How’ of all these changes in my life. I don’t want to be immediately judged but rather grow by thinking about what concerns others (if anything) and what I haven’t thought of yet (it should be quite a lot).

To be expected of me:

  • mostly, the same guy;
  • a more intentional, rational, moral, unprejudiced approach to everyone and everything;
  • more availability to engage in discussions, actions and experiences that bring real value to our lives;
  • choices I will make that will, in a first instance cause surprise;
  • more health consciousness;
  • a guy in search of more meaningful relationships.

My expectations are that, all those who matter are present to bring value to my life, challenging me, considering and taking whatever value I have to give. But above all I expect to be able to expect nothing – in that idyllic space I will constantly be surprised and will never, ever be disappointed.

I’m afraid I might grow apart from some people due to this choice in my life, but then again I don’t think it’ll come to that. If I decided to have them in my life to start with, it was because we shared common values and interests and while I decided to change the way I live my life, that does not mean I have changed my values, it just means I will pursue my interests more deliberately but always aligned with my values.

I talk and write a lot about bringing, or adding value. What I mean by that relates to experiences I want to have – a movie, a book, a song, a trip, a conversation, a project, a meal, a sunset, a sunrise, a wave, the world. The experiences that will make me grow into the person I want to be, that will make me be a better father, partner, friend, human being.

I’m actively searching for the experiences that will help me contribute more. The experiences that will help me help my daughters become the women they want to be. The experiences that make me eager to get the day started. The experiences that will assist me in helping my friend in need. The experiences that will assist me in helping my friend in no need.

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3 thoughts on “XIV – Expectations

  1. Some of the challenges you face, regarding the expectations of others, aren’t new to me. I faced the same doubts and “denial and disapproval” from others when I started “living” a naturist (or nudist if you prefer) lifestyle, which could be, ironically or not, a very specific kind of minimalism.
    There is one very good thing when you finish going through this “strangeness” from others. You will very easily sort your real friends that don’t judge you and know you are still Diogo from the “rest of the bunch”.
    The “to be expected from me” list could be exactly the same when you make some changes to your lifestyle, just exchange minimalism for nudism and it all makes sense just the same.

    Don’t be surprised if you, or better, others, grow apart, as I said before, you’ll enjoy it in the end!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, all I can say is that I miss being with you guys 🙂 I miss our chats and our passionate GOT discussions, eh eh eh eh I find that this blog has been a great way to connect and feel closer to you and Cat despite the physical distance.
    As I’ve said before, it makes me happy to know that you found a new path and lifestyle that brings you more joy. Life is precious and we should all be true to ourselves and try to find a way of living that resonates with our values, and brings us fulfillment. The changes you’re undergoing didn’t surprise me and certainly do not scare me: I am certain that when I come to Brisbane for a visit I will still be welcomed with open arms!

    (Of course, we would love to welcome you all in Sydney (any time!). Our door and our hearts are always open for the family!)

    Keep smiling, keep sharing!

    Beijinhos

    Liked by 1 person

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