LXXVII – Taboo Thoughts

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Last week I wished my kids were sick instead of me. Does that make me a bad parent? Maybe, but that’s how I felt. Judge on now… then hear me out and reassess.

Last week I got the flu and in addition to significant body aches, lung burning cough and constant nose blowing I got to ride a 39 degree fever. I didn’t wish for my kids to be sick in my stead then, not at all.

When Cat did come down with the same symptoms, we found ourselves in a situation we had never been before. Both severely incapacitated by sickness; unable to perform the most mundane of tasks; and without any family, or any other support to take care of our 3 kids under the age of 5.

I did then wish my kids to be sick instead of me, or Cat. Having one of us able to care for the others would have made a world of difference during those days. Ever since we moved in together over 10 years ago, those were the worst 3-4 days I remember having.

I guess this “confession” belongs to those taboo subjects (like wishing a long sick, bedridden suffering parent to die) where people (usually healthy) take the high moral ground to claim that they would never ever wish something as unscrupulous as having their kids sick in their stead. Well, I did and I don’t say it pridefully nor shamefully, just honestly!

Irony of ironies, everyone got sick, but thankfully, Cat and I were already recovering and able to tend to them as they deserve… almost. Luckily as well, those beautiful kids are far more resilient than we are and their view on life whilst debilitated, far more present, pragmatic and hopeful than ours.

Love you kids, always!! Both in health and sickness!!

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